There is a gentleman here at work who sits near me. He’s not on my team. I don’t even really know what he does. Just by ‘random’ coincidence, we ended up sitting in cubes near each other.
We’ll call him “MC”.
MC appears to be ‘the guy’ on the team. His teammates are constantly coming to his desk, asking him questions, getting help, etc. Everybody seems to like him and respects his knowledge.
This morning, another fella - someone I’ve never seen before…we’ll call him ‘Funny-Tie’ - came over. He seems to be having trouble with a piece of work. I don’t know what it is, but, from the sound of the conversation, it seems complex. MC seemed happy to help.
MC started out kinda high-level, “you should do ‘x’, then ‘y’, then take the results and do ‘z’.”
This was not sufficient.
MC went deeper, eventually writing out very detailed notes on the whiteboard at his desk. The entire conversation lasted about 25 minutes. MC was genuinely polite and helpful through the entire conversation.
When it was over, Funny-Tie said he understood (though I have my doubts). He said to MC, pointing at the whiteboard, “Don’t erase this.”
MC firmly, but politely, replied, “This is my whiteboard. You do not tell me what to do with my whiteboard.”
Funny-Tie was completely taken aback. Finally, “We are sharing…”
MC: “I’ll share my thoughts and knowledge, but this is my whiteboard. We don’t share my whiteboard.”
Long pause…”OK. May I have five minutes to copy all of this to my notebook?”
MC: “Sure. Take all the time you need.” …and MC sat down, put on his headphones, and went back to work.
I had to think about what to make of the situation. On the one hand, MC’s comments could be taken as him just being a prick - expressing power.
But I don’t think that’s what he was doing. I think he was merely pointing out what should have been obvious to Funny-Tie. That is, the whiteboard is his to do with as he pleases. Other people will come along - probably within the hour - and want help, and there should be no prohibition on MC using his whiteboard to help the next person.
Maybe there was a better way for MC to express the situation? I don’t know. It is obvious that English is not his first language. Don’t get me wrong, he’s extremely proficient with the language and can hold indepth conversations about VERY complex subjects. I’m just saying, maybe there was some subtlety he couldn’t quite parse and express. I dont’ know. Just speculation.
MC could have said something like, “Well, I’ll leave it here as long as I can, but if someone else comes along, I may have to erase it. Maybe you should copy it to your notebook before you go back to your desk.”
But should he have had to say that? I don’t think so. It wasn’t as if he was rude - he just wasn’t coddling Funny-Tie.
There is a difference between ‘being rude’ and simply ‘not coddling’. It is OK to be both polite and firm at the same time. Of course, the opposite is also true. I see it as common for many to expect to be coddled, and confuse that with civility.
Too many people miss these distinctions. Civility should be expected; it is the lube of the ugly machine of society. Coddling should not.
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One must be careful however, there is many an insufferable prick who justifies it by saying “hey, I’m just being honest.”
Yeah. Totally Agreed.
That’s why I really had to stop and think about the situation.
Maybe I did not describe body language as I should have. MC smiled the whole time, he was very calm in movements and in tone, and the cadence of his speech was not sharp.
I think MC was simply letting Funny-Tie know he should not expect the whiteboard to be available for his notes for the rest of the week, or even the rest of the day.
Regardless, it really got me thinking about the expectations of co-worker relationships. What is expected? What is deserved? Certainly there are some obvious boundaries, but what about the fuzzy grey? Existing in the fuzzy grey is not my forte.
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